This past weekend, WineChap was out shredding the gnarly in Park City, UT, which marked our first ever foray into the state notorious for its slow detachment from Prohibition. Although it isn’t exactly as protectionist as many have exaggerated — we neglected to notice any gun-toting Mormons dressed in Revolutionary War garb slapping drinks from the hands of tourists — it’s hardly as ribald as Bourbon Street. In short, you can certainly find a drink without getting beaten with the Book of Mormon, but the land of “Big Love” is still bleeding the romance out of drinking with its Orwellian regulatory laws.
For example, it’s impossible to ignore the Big Brother-esque shot-measuring device stuck on every bottle (yes, wine included) in every single bar that is required to meet a digital meter reader that looks as though it shouldn’t have been let out of the doctor’s office. Let us explain. Before you can get a drink, each bottle top must first be inserted into said device before it can be poured, so that a computer can crosscheck and verify that each pour corresponds with a sale. (Big Brother is watching.) The highly poetic department of Alcoholic Beverage Control summarizes the system as such: “Utah law requires restaurants, clubs, on-premise banquet licensees, and airport lounges to use a metered dispensing system that is calibrated to dispense no more than 1.5 ounces of primary liquor in a mixed drink. Secondary alcoholic flavorings may then be added to a mixed drink as the recipe requires, not to exceed a total of 2.5 ounces of spirituous liquor.”
Naturally—in true Chap form—we sought a way around the racket. Order a separate shot and pour it into your mixed drink? Not until your first drink is finished. (Big Brother is watching.) However, here’s the loophole: you can order a shot of a spirit not within your mixed drink and have it in front of you at the same time, which means you can spike your margarita with Jack Daniels and run straight to the restroom. Thanks, but we’d rather mourn over a 3.2% alcohol Bud Light.
But not to worry, it isn’t all shadowy Mormonism and statewide nostalgia for the 18th Amendment. If you want to drink at home you’ll make out all right in old UT. The state liquor stores are stocked deep, and surprisingly well. We were shocked to find small artisanal wines from the likes of Rosenthal and Kermit Lynch lining the racks of what resembled more of a poorly lit post office-cum-Costco than a wine shop.
Still, it’s hard to get over how positively depressing it is to have your drink poured from a digital measuring meter—a constant reminder that a maniacal computer system stands in the way of you and your desire to double down on a glass of whiskey. And it’s even more depressing for the permanent residents of UT that despite the steady crumbling of historically fascist liquor laws, the state still remains the most difficult in which to get properly pixilated.
Read more on UT’s bizarre liquor laws here.
Utah’s Orwellian Liquor Laws
This past weekend, WineChap was out shredding the gnarly in Park City, UT, which marked our first ever foray into the state notorious for its slow detachment from Prohibition. Although it isn’t exactly as protectionist as many have exaggerated — we neglected to notice any gun-toting Mormons dressed in Revolutionary War garb slapping drinks from the hands of tourists — it’s hardly as ribald as Bourbon Street. In short, you can certainly find a drink without getting beaten with the Book of Mormon, but the land of “Big Love” is still bleeding the romance out of drinking with its Orwellian regulatory laws.
For example, it’s impossible to ignore the Big Brother-esque shot-measuring device stuck on every bottle (yes, wine included) in every single bar that is required to meet a digital meter reader that looks as though it shouldn’t have been let out of the doctor’s office. Let us explain. Before you can get a drink, each bottle top must first be inserted into said device before it can be poured, so that a computer can crosscheck and verify that each pour corresponds with a sale. (Big Brother is watching.) The highly poetic department of Alcoholic Beverage Control summarizes the system as such: “Utah law requires restaurants, clubs, on-premise banquet licensees, and airport lounges to use a metered dispensing system that is calibrated to dispense no more than 1.5 ounces of primary liquor in a mixed drink. Secondary alcoholic flavorings may then be added to a mixed drink as the recipe requires, not to exceed a total of 2.5 ounces of spirituous liquor.”
Naturally—in true Chap form—we sought a way around the racket. Order a separate shot and pour it into your mixed drink? Not until your first drink is finished. (Big Brother is watching.) However, here’s the loophole: you can order a shot of a spirit not within your mixed drink and have it in front of you at the same time, which means you can spike your margarita with Jack Daniels and run straight to the restroom. Thanks, but we’d rather mourn over a 3.2% alcohol Bud Light.
But not to worry, it isn’t all shadowy Mormonism and statewide nostalgia for the 18th Amendment. If you want to drink at home you’ll make out all right in old UT. The state liquor stores are stocked deep, and surprisingly well. We were shocked to find small artisanal wines from the likes of Rosenthal and Kermit Lynch lining the racks of what resembled more of a poorly lit post office-cum-Costco than a wine shop.
Still, it’s hard to get over how positively depressing it is to have your drink poured from a digital measuring meter—a constant reminder that a maniacal computer system stands in the way of you and your desire to double down on a glass of whiskey. And it’s even more depressing for the permanent residents of UT that despite the steady crumbling of historically fascist liquor laws, the state still remains the most difficult in which to get properly pixilated.
Read more on UT’s bizarre liquor laws here.
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